when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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