Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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