just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They should really pass out barf bags in church
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
