I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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