based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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