Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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