Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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