I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize