i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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