Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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