vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize