eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
