I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
