i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
