so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
