I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
