T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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