Tell her she can't have a vagina
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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