I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Let's get the cat blown out
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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