I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
