im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.