I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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