I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.