You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my being single is dangerous.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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