I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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