Can i not drive my cunt home
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
