so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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