there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sorry about my life...
i believe in u and ur pee
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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