i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
