I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So squirting runs in the family.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
