YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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