Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
