I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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