i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
