dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
