you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
