Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
