So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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