All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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