do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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