It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
