Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
