I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
