strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
