dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
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Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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