I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
