Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
