A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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