Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
