Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
