Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This toilet bowl is my home.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
