uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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