You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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