i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
