I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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