Kiss
Puke
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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