I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
