I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
