Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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