john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
