i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
