you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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