a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
