Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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