don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
