I accidentally burped into my bong.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
