Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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