My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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