OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
don't judge my taste in strippers
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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