By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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