I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
