dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
